that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
