highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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