Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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