Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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