nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
