weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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