your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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