You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
