that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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