probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
