ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
