Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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