I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
