I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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