ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
