She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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