I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
