Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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