i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
