If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
