That's intense
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
