Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
