Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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