I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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