He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
