Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
