WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
