I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
