what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
