My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
