Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
