whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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