Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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