lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
