Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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