I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
