At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize