I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
