Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
