i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
