When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
