thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize