he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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