Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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