Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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