The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My cat gives me a boner
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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