Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
