we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
