It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
