I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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