i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
