The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
