Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
