Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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