Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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