you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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