Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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