maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
