if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
