i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
