i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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