we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize