Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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