Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
