We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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