I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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