After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
