Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
