If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize