opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
