i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
