Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
