Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
