Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
