she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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