I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
