so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
