My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
