At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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