I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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