shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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