how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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