MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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