how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
