I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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