Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
