I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
